Unarchived Golden Fuse: The Lost Categories

If my blog were a reflection of my mind or my housekeeping then every time you clicked on it you’d find a pile of rubbish with some sparkly candy wrappers sticking out of the teaming mass.  Now every year I do my Golden Fuse Awards, which are a collection of fun trends and oddities I find in that year’s selection of children’s literature.  This year I was suprised by how short my list was, but nothing seemed particularly out of place.  Then, about two days ago, I stumbled upon one of my old files which had a SLEW of hitherto forgotten Golden Fuse trends and observations.  Here then, is an addendum to the 2007 Golden Fuse Awards.  Call it the Forgotten Edition.

Scientifically minded boy suddenly appears just in time to befriend our heroine: 
Where I Live by Eileen Spinelli and Reaching for Sun by Tracie Zimmer.

Dads wait until Halloween when they’ll get a chance to douse naughty tricksters with big buckets of water:  Diary of a Wimpy Kid and On the Wings of Heroes by Richard Peck.

Farting pigs
Starcross by Philip Reeve and Muddle Earth by Paul Stewart

Most Tragic Cover of the Year
No Castles Here by A.C.E. Bauer.  It’s not fair.  It’s a cool image, but you can’t tell that it’s a work of grafitti in a photograph.  The image is by Danny “casroc” Casu.

McDonald’s Referenced Repeatedly
Ferret Island by Richard W. Jennings
The Name of this Book is Secret by Pseudonymous Boch

Prophecies: (I had hoped to collect all the prophecies I read in 2007, but I missed a couple.  These are the ones that got through, though).

From Elissa’s Quest by Erica Verrillo –
“The birds will talk, and the earth will churn.  The trees will walk, and the world will burn.”

From The Book of Lies by James Moloney –

“When lords and ladies quest for fame
A Beast will touch the land with flame
Good men will die, their wives will mourn
While children weep for fathers gone
With swords for teeth and skin of steel
With arrowed claw and poisoned heel
The Beast will grow and spread its wings
Destroying rogues and making kings
When all my pages fill with lies
Let slip the Beast and see it rise
Till one who understands this verse
Commands the Beast and breaks its curse.”

From Snowbone by Cat Weatherill –

“When winter waves throw the king from the sea
The queen still dreams of ascendancy
And the king upon the gilded throne
Laments what never shall be known
When the sea turns red and the rivers rise
And the storm bird o’er the summit flies
The King of the Sea shall leave this land
And carry death within his hand.”

Good First Lines

“This is lame but I’m actually looking forward to school this year, because every day this summer was like crap: dog crap, cat crap – I even had a few elephant crap days.  Trust me, it was bad.” – If a Tree Falls at Lunch Period by Gennnifer Choldenko.

“Augie Boretski snuck out.” – No Castles Here by A.C.E. Bauer

“Dave Packer was in the middle of his fourth hour of not talking.” – No Talking by Andrew Clements.

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